Training | 2010.03.15
The Cameron infomercial was TV hell | Simon Hoggart's sketch
A huge variety of people, including politicians and Cameron\'s family were brought on to explain just what a terrific guy he was
David Cameron – the infomercial – was shown on ITV last night. In the hour-long programme, a huge variety of people, including politicians, members of ethnic minorities, and Cameron\'s family were brought on to explain just what a terrific guy he was.
You could get a flavour of the show by filling in unheard questions that elicited these answers:
Mrs Cameron, when things get difficult in your family, does your husband cut and run?
Actual answer: "We\'ve been through some fairly tough times and, in all those times, he has never let me down."
When you first met him, was he a humorous and pompous old fart?
"Though he had a very serious job, he was really funny and very interesting and clever."
Does he neglect his children?
"He\'s a fantastic dad."
Old Etonian friend Giles Andreae, was his privileged upbringing a drawback?
"No, it\'s a benefit, he\'s been well-educated, and that\'s not a problem."
And while at Oxford, did he spend all his time at the Bullingdon Club, drinking champagne and walking around in top hat and tails all day?\'
"No, we would go to the pub and shoot pool. He\'s very good at it."
Former prime minister John Major, has he taken the Conservative party back to being the party of the well-to-do?
"The party is a much better reflection today of the country as a whole.\'"
Trevor McDonald, you\'ve been following him around for a week. Does he buckle under the strain?
"He must be under intense pressure, but if he is, it doesn\'t show."
To be fair, his wife Samantha, when really pushed, managed to reveal some of his faults, or "lots of irritating habits" as she put it. He cooks, but very messily. He doesn\'t pick up his clothes. He channel-hops. But the opposite of those would be rather spooky. Do we want a prime minister who washes up as he goes?
Deliberately, the programme contained not one world of policy. It was Cameron as he and all his friends want us to see him. Would he ever contemplate firing George Osborne? What did they expect him to say? "No, even if he were convicted of grievous bodily harm and downloading child porn, he would keep his job"? Of course not – "George has said to me, \'if ever you want to move me, it\'s your decision.\' I have friendships in politics but that would never stop me making the right decisions."
We did learn some intriguing facts. His father had a disability: his legs were much too short. "Yet for him the glass was always half full, overflowing, with something alcoholic!" His mother was a magistrate, and tried to inculcate in her children a dread of what might happen to them if they went off the rails. And the notorious posters – they weren\'t airbrushed; he actually looks like that – "I have a baby face".
Perhaps the scariest new information was that, according to Samantha, he loves to watch the Godfather films, "again and again and again". This is a series of films about a tight, self-obsessed group of greedy, power-crazed people who destroy anyone who gets in their way. Just a fantasy, of course.
For more information, please visit
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2010/[...]-cameron-simon-hoggarts-sketch
