Training | 2009.12.18
Fine wine that's smooth on the ear
Our nephew "passed out" – that is, graduated – from Sandhurst a week ago and we went to the ceremony, which was extraordinarily moving. It was a freezing day, and the wind sliced down the parade ground, but the glow of parental pride all round us could have kept stranded polar bears warm. The precision the cadets displayed was, of course, stunning: when the command to shoulder arms is bellowed hundreds of them do it in an instant, and only the delay in the sound reaching you from the back makes it seem to take as long as an entire second.
They churn them out at Sandhurst, a couple of hundred or so arriving each term, 600 or 700 being trained in any one year. It\'s a process involving considerable hardship, sometimes worse than they will actually undergo in action. They were in front of the Old College, a 200-year-old building stretching back to Hanoverian times. Queen Charlotte presented the first colours in 1813. Seeing these young men and women you had a sense of that long, continuous tradition of the British army – Waterloo, Rourke\'s Drift, the Great War, right into modern times – and you realise that its traditions, perfectionism, fierce morale and grumpy sense of pride will survive an awful lot of politicians.
I\'m still trailing round promoting my gifte booke, Life\'s Too Short to Drink Bad Wine. One curiosity, new to me, is the radio wine tasting, which might seem to be as pointless an activity as you could get. I suspect it started on the Today programme when they were busy sampling at around 8am, and Sue MacGregor got worried because it was their first day live on the internet; people might think they were alcoholics having the first drink of the day.
I did a turn about the book on Radio Northern Ireland this week, and they illustrated what I was saying by drinking rather expensive wines in the studio – a fine Chablis, and Côte-Rôtie, the top Rhone red. Finally they let me stop on the grounds that I would be envious of them hundreds of miles away, but then what about the listeners?
To the Speaker\'s House for the launch of a lovely book by the Clerk Assistant of the Commons, Robert Rogers, who has been collecting bits, bobs and fascinating facts about the old place for decades now, and has published the best in Order, Order (JR Books). John Bercow is an extremely good impressionist, of almost professional standard, and his imitation of the author in his speech of welcome was greeted with startled laughter.
Robert, who has a George V beard, and spends much of his time – I can only call it "scrivening" – at the Table of the House, like a character out of Dickens, has a terrific sense of humour. He told one of his favourite stories, which is probably apocryphal but sums up an era not long gone.
A knight of the shires MP is looking glum, and a colleague asks what the matter is.
"Have to go to m\'constituency tomorrow," he replies.
The other makes sympathetic noises.
"And that\'s not the worst of it. Have to go next year, too."
I also met a TV producer who is just back from three weeks in Australia with David Attenborough. For years now the grandest old man in British broadcasting has provided only the commentary for the BBC\'s wildlife series, but now, at the age of 83, is back on the road, or at least in the jungle or the outback, making a series about evolution – the first fossil tooth, evidence of the first eye, that sort of thing. I gather he showed amazing stamina, chatting and drinking wine till the small hours, then getting up at 5am for the next shoot. He is going to China and Morocco for this series, and says he\'s eager to do another one after that. The rest of us can only watch in awed admiration.
The least festive Christmas card I\'ve seen this year comes from the UK Border Agency. It\'s in the shape of a green and red fir tree, surrounded by snowflakes, made up entirely of the agency\'s mission statement: "tougher regimes … enforcing tough new penalties on those who employ illegal immigrants … facial recognition gates installed in UK terminals … deporting a record number of foreign national prisoners." It ends "Season\'s greetings and a happy 2010". And a ho, ho, ho to you as well.
If like me you\'re appalled by the way the government seems ready to allow product placement on British TV ("Tell me all about it, luv, over a cup of freshly brewed Brooke Bond tea") there is an organisation which wants to hear from you. It\'s www.sustainweb.org, and they are particularly worried about the sale of junk food – kids on TV tucking into a paid-for meal of turkey offalburgers and chips. Our rather creepy culture secretary, Ben Bradshaw, seems eager to push this through with the absolute minimum of consultation and maybe you can give him at least a moment\'s pause.
More undesirable Christmas gifts: the "e-Cigarette" is a "realistic smoking experience that\'s legal indoors", contains no carcinogens or tars, and emits "smoke" which is just vapour. The £19.99 pack contains a pack of 10 cartridges, including mint, cherry or tobacco-style flavour. The ad shows a glamorous woman emitting vapour from a fake fag, but in the soigné manner of a 1930s film star. The whole thing seems entirely pointless. Then there\'s the organic farm in Richmond, North Yorkshire, which suggests a sack of seed potatoes. "A delightful surprise from Santa Claus for any child on Christmas morning, and the very filling of the stocking!" Imagine admitting in the playground that your parents had given you potatoes for Christmas. It seems a very special form of cruelty.
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http://www.guardian.co.uk/theguardian/20[...]/simon-hoggarts-week-fine-wine
