Training | 2009.05.30
Hugh Muir's diary
All over the world, the principle is the same. It pays to be in politics
• The world stands transfixed as the trouser-gate virus continues to afflict the mother of parliaments. Expense abuse scandal hurts UK parties, says Germany\'s Die Welt publication. Gravy train crashes for UK lawmakers, reports the Associated Press. But there\'s less interest in Croatia, understandable given the recent election there of Josko Risa, the mayor of Prolozac, whose slogan "All for Me – Nothing for You" struck such a chord with the voters. "I just told them the truth. This town will be like my family business. If I get a little something, so do they," was his rationale. Local resident Ivan Vjisnic appears sanguine: "We\'re going to get ripped off no matter who takes over. At least he is being honest and up front about it." Sometimes it pays to have this international perspective.
• For the issues are the same the world over, subject to local variation. In South Africa, the transport minister, S\'bu Ndebele, this week returned gifts he received from a businessman who benefited from government action to assist small contractors . "I have decided voluntarily to return the Mercedes-Benz and two head of cattle," he said. Must be squeaky clean.
• A terrible dilemma for the Queen then, as BNP leader Nick Griffin prepares to take the royal handshake at a Buckingham Palace garden party. One hopes she is able to pack the event with loyal brown subjects from the Commonwealth. Help him feel comfortable. She has no choice in the matter of invitations, of course, but we all know full well that she will have nothing to say to this dreadful man with his appalling record of making derogatory remarks about minorities. Neither will Prince Philip.
• The important thing, which she would twig, would be the obvious need to steer the conversation away from politics. Avoid controversy. Bathe in the banalities. She\'s a patron of the arts and, of course, we know that in his previous incarnation, Richard Barnbrook, the BNP London Assembly member who threatens to arrive with Griffin in tow, created the movie HMS Discovery, A Love Story . It\'s an under-appreciated work featuring flagellation, men undressing and apparent al fresco sex acts between consenting blokes. People say it is porn. He says it is art. He could explain the difference.
• While Ukip reveals election plans to directly target the vulnerability of Gordon Brown over the expenses farrago, we continue to be troubled by the issue of whether the diary should succumb to the lure of a liquid encounter with the party\'s Yorkshire and North Lincolnshire representative, Godfrey "never less than eight pints, me" Bloom. On the one hand there is duty. On the other, the health risks. How to decide. We take soundings. "Lunch with Godders? Know any good liver transplant surgeons?" is the startled reply from one who knows our Godfrey well. "Don\'t do it, or drink Tizer," says an obviously worried Rainbow George Weiss. Yet our regular correspondent Philip Howells says we should go ahead and that we might even invite Will "Thirsty" Lewis, editor of the Telegraph, to join us. We cannot decide if he wishes us good or ill.
• A bad day – another one – for Margaret Moran ; a good day for Esther Rantzen as it seems ever more likely that the Labour party will move against the much-criticised Luton South MP. Esther, who has designs on the seat, has apparently been taking advice from sleazebuster-in-chief Martin Bell. Stuff along the lines of: "Take a clean conscience and a white suit." It seems to work. But surely her biggest coup so far has been earning the endorsement from David Van Day, the media personality and former lead singer with the 70s pop duo Dollar. Esther backed him when both were on I\'m a Celebrity ... Get Me Out of Here! Time passes but a jungle man never forgets.
• Finally, a message to the opportunist who called up yesterday. Don\'t call again, for we have no interest in you or your Fred Goodwin toilet paper. Sorry, we just don\'t.
For more information, please visit
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/may/21/hugh-muir-diary
