Technology | 2009.08.08
Hugh Muir's diary
Hugh Muir: Time for a break. Time for one more scolding. Go away and sin no more
What an eventful life is led by Lord Mackenzie of Framwellgate, the Labour peer, former bigwig in the Police Superintendents\' Association and former Home Officer adviser (pictured). We hear from him on issues of policing and law and order. But we get so much more from our noble lord. If it is not stuff about him and time spent in his flat with an Algerian prostitute, who worked as a barmaid in the Commons – an event that necessitated an apology in 2003 – it\'s Sunday paper fodder about a bitter divorce and a new partner 20 years his junior. Or claims, unsubstantiated as far as we can see, of links with a Russian oligarch. Life is never dull. And there\'s yet more excitement, for we learn that after a complaint from a number of sources, but principally the Metropolitan Black Police Association, the noble peer has been sent to the naughty step by Black Rod (no relation) for using Lords stationery in pursuit of his business interests. The peer insisted everything was above board and that the letter, a complaint to Sir Ian Blair, the Met commissioner, related to parliamentary business. Black Rod disagreed. It has been a bruising time for MPs and peers alike in recent weeks. Good that they are on their holidays. They need them.
The troubles at the Equality and Human Rights Commission can only harden David Cameron\'s resolve to have a bonfire of the quangos. Already the conflagration is being planned, the arrangement being that each quango will be reviewed by the relevant minister. Hearts are hard. Resistance seems useless. But there is another way, for if only the quangos can find large fistfuls of public money to throw at lobbyists Bell Pottinger, they might yet escape the lapping flames. "Bell Pottinger Public Affairs is well placed to assist you in preparing your defence and engaging with the Conservative party," says the firm\'s opportunistic new pitch. Cameron has the matches, it is true, but these folks have the fire blankets. Salvation, at a price.
What will save Bob Ainsworth , hurrying home from holiday in France, desperate to show that Gordon is doing right by our troops in Afghanistan. It is hopeless and he knows it. Our plans always pale when compared with those drawn up in the US. Not only do they have helicopters, but right now US marines are advertising for someone to build them a "mock Afghanistan village". It will have houses with a "hidden compartment for a weapons cache"; and the elaborate training structure must have 20 "relocatable" houses that can be thrown up "using minimal hand tools". The doors must be "breachable" – ie capable of being kicked in. We don\'t have anything as grandiose as that, and it shows, but we do have Poundbury , Prince Charles\'s model village in Dorset. Couldn\'t we commandeer it for the public good?
Yes, the Americans do seem well prepared, but one wonders how deeply they thought about the choice of general to lead the Afghan effort. General Stanley McChrystal he is, and a fine fellow, but we learn from Cal McCrystal, the veteran journalist, also a fine fellow, that the literal translation of their Gaelic name is "son of the Christ-like one". The discovery of this, suggests Cal, would "be like a red rag to a Taliban bull". That\'s our fear too. So we\'ve decided to keep it quiet.
Finally, much anticipation about Boris Johnson\'s forthcoming appearance in EastEnders, and much puzzlement as to how it came about and why it doesn\'t conflict with the BBC\'s rules on impartiality. His fee is going to charity, so there is no complaint about that. But not so long ago, when his rival Ken Livingstone was in his pomp, officials tried to have EastEnders display a poster promoting recycling in the capital. We can\'t do it, the producers said, pointing to the London government logo. It would be too political. And yet soon we will see Boris, in the Queen Vic, in the flesh. He was a politician, when last we checked.
For more information, please visit
http://www.guardian.co.uk/politics/2009/jul/31/hugh-muir-diary
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